ben.html

A Dedication to Ben de la Cruz
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The last time Ben came over was about two years ago. When I told my other cousin Iris about him she said, "Oh, I remember him, he was the one who used to sing to us with a toy guitar when we were little." I started cracking up. That was so like Ben, the constant jokester, always having fun. Actually, I only remember a few things from Ben's guitar playing days, many years ago. I remember Ben used to carry me and my brother and anyone he could find on his shoulders and just run around. Looking back, that was pretty weird. Come to think of it, I think all his brothers were weird when they were younger. Even though he says he doesn't remember this, his brother Emil used to wrestle my brother to the ground. I remember trying to stay away from him. Ben's other bro Mandy did the same thing. With Ben picking us up and his brothers throwing us around, it seems like we got the shit beat out of us. It does paint a funny picture to look back on though.

Picture of those times when my brother and I got tossed around. Emil is the first boy on the left, Mandy is to the right. Ben-tut and I are riding the big pony, while my brother is on the little pony.

One of the earliest memories I have was probably when I was around four or five. When visiting Ben's house everyone was riding bikes. I remember we were racing as fast as we could around the block. I was riding so fast that I lost control of the bike and zoomed right off the road into the bushes. They were all worried and went after me. When they saw I was ok, I think it was Ben who said, "Man, Mike, you were flying! You were this high above the ground! (Raising his hand about two feet)" I thought, "Really! Wow! I must've looked really cool!" Looking back, I know I wasn't flying and that they were just trying to make me feel better. But back then, I really believed I was flying, and that motivated me to get up and start riding again. It was a nice gesture.
Another memory from way back then was when we all went to Sesame Street. I remember on the way there, Ben's mom was driving with Ben's sister, Tisha, (an infant then) tied to her front. In Tagalog my mom asked, "Can you drive with her in front of you?" And she replied, "Yes, this car (wagon) was made for this." At Sesame Street I remember there was a whole box filled with plastic balls where kids could just jump around in. When we were leaving, I saw that my brother had gotten new Big Bird slippers from Ben's mom. I asked, "Where's my slippers?" And she said, "Oh, I forgot." She then ran back inside to buy me some slippers, even though my mom said it wasn't necessary.

This is a picture from that day at Seasame Street. My little bro, Allen, and my cousin, Sanna, are enjoying a ride.

Ben, his brothers, and his mom eventually moved to LA. I didn't see them much until they visited a few years later. During their visit I was making a paper airplane. After I made it Ben looked at it then modified it, after which he said, "Let's test it out." So we went to my backyard porch and tossed the plane. I didn't see where it went so I asked him, "Where'd it go?" and before he could answer he said "Oh no! It's coming back!" He then picked me up and ran back inside, but not before I was able to catch a glimpse of the plane heading straight for us. To this day, I still don't know how that plane turned around like that. I always had a lot of fun with Ben.
I believe it was during this visit that Ben decided to live in Pennsylvania for awhile. I remember this clearly because it seemed to me now as it did then as weird. I asked Ben if he was leaving now and he said, "What do you think, should I stay or go?" I thought he meant stay at my house, I didn't know he meant stay on the East-coast, so I said, "You should stay." He said, yeah, let me ask my dad. He looked for his dad and when he found him he said, "Hey Dad, could I stay with you for awhile?" and his dad said, "Sure." And that was that. Ben was to live in Pennsylvania for the next year or so.

It was during this year that I have most of my memories of Ben. I was a little older now and I saw a lot of him while he stayed in Pennsylvania. One day my family was visiting his family in Pennsylvania. I remember I said, "Ben, what's over that mountain over there (they lived near a mountain). He said, "I don't know, let's find out." So he took me and my brother, Al, walking toward the mountain. My brother and I were young then so we had a hard time hiking. Ben picked Al up on his shoulders and kept hiking up the mountain. I thought that was impressive. He seemed pretty determined to bring us over the mountain, but I guess our constant complaining told him that we should turn back. He said, "Do you want to go back?" I said, "Yeah, my clothes are all wet and my feet hurt." With that, he replied, "Ok, let's go back." I believe if we kept pushing, we could've made it up that mountain. It's a shame, because I really would've liked to finish the hike with Ben-tut.
Later that year it was snowing. Ben wanted to go skiing and so he asked my brother and I to go help him in his front yard. There is a slight hill in his front yard and he asked us to help him flatten out all the snow to make it like a ski slope. We helped out at first, but my brother and I got really tired so we went back inside. I didn't think his ski idea was going to work anyway. A few hours later, I looked outside and saw Ben skiing down the short, little slope he had made. I thought, "Cool!" so my brother and I went out to watch him. I remember he took us on his shoulders (just as he did when we were younger) and he skied down the hill with us. Again, it was always fun hanging around Ben. While riding Ben's shoulders, I looked to the front door and saw his dad and my dad watching. They looked pretty impressed with Ben-tut.
During yet another visit to Pennsylvania, I was pretty bored. I remember watching Ben on the phone, "Yeah, sure, I'll be over in minute. Let me just tell my dad." He then asked his dad if he could visit a friend. His dad replied, "Well, you have some company over here." With that, Ben looked down and saw me looking at him. He told his friend, "Nah, I can't make it, my little cousins are over." I thought that was pretty cool of him. We then played a game of chess. One of the first moves I did opened me up for "fools mate"(a way to lose in four moves). He then asked me, "You sure you want to move your piece there?" I said, "Sure!" He asked again, "Are you sure about that?" I said, "Ummm…yeah!" He quickly said, "OK! CHECKMATE!" Then he left to the kitchen, with me following him asking for a rematch.

Eventually Ben moved back to LA. I didn't see him again until I was around twelve or thirteen. During this summer, he and his brothers visited my house. They were all sleeping in the basement so me, my brother, and my other cousin Pule (who came from the Philippines) hung out with them. To keep us amused Ben told us a ghost story that I now use myself once and awhile. It didn't really scare us, but like I've been saying, Ben was always fun. It was also during this visit that I heard Ben's piano skills. He loved the "Moonlight" sonata. It's all he ever played, and to this day, I've never heard a recording of anyone who played it better.
Ben influenced a lot of my life. It was he and his bro who inspired me to pick up piano. I practiced diligently until I too could play the Moonlight. After learning that piece I thought, "I am a master now, like my cousins." I moved on to other more difficult pieces and kept progressing.

The summer they visited. Starting from left to right, my Uncle Aureo, Emil, Pule, Mandy, Ben, Al, my Dad, me, my Uncle Angelo. As you can see, those LA boys are all grown up at this point.

The next time Ben came over was the time I mentioned it to my cousin Iris. This was only two years ago I guess. I thought, "Hmm, let me show him my skills." And I played the "Moonlight" for him. Then I heard him play it and I thought, "Damn, he's good." Yup, that sonata still belonged to Ben. Itwas still Ben's piece.

During this visit, Ben talked about Quake and computer games, and how his whole house at home is networked. Later, this was to influence me and my cousin Pule to network our own houses. This visit was the last time I ever saw Ben, but I would hear about him from my parents. I knew about Ben and his flirtations with drugs. I wasn't too worried because I thought, 'Ben's just having fun, he's too smart to get too mixed up in that stuff,' but I guess it could get the best of us. Last semester I heard the bad news on my way home from college. I had talked to my mom before I left and everything was ok, but by the time I got home everyone was gloomy.

I didn't know that the visit two years ago was going to be the last time that I would see Ben. His sister sent me an email that pretty much said "Don't forget to say hi to all those you love because you don't know if you'll ever get a chance again." If I had known this I would've said a better "good-bye" to Ben. But I don't believe it's too late. I know that Ben can still hear us when we think of him. And I think that looking down on us, he wouldn't want us to be sad. No one likes it when others are sad. Instead, he would want us to be happy. Happy for him that he is in a better place now.
I have a lot of fond memories of Ben. Sometimes I think of him, especially at Mass, where I say a little prayer for him. He is surely missed by his family and me. But we should take comfort in the fact that our Ben-tut is in an magnificent place now. That's how I think of it, every now and then, when I think of my cousin Ben.